"Sometimes I feel like I've been tied to the whippin' post..."
I've always loved this quote from the classic rock & roll song by the Allman Brothers. Since last summer, the summer of my discontent (another quasi-literary reference...sorry), this quote has had quite a new meaning for me. Certainly, I don't liken myself to Job, whose entire existence worsened to a low point most of us could never imagine, but there are days I succumb to self-pity so intense that I feel like I've been tied to the whipping post. STOP, I tell myself after a while. JUST.....STOP. I get a surge of energy (that I attribute to the Holy Spirit coming through for me AGAIN) and I make it over the hump once more.
It's very difficult to describe to people the uncontrollable parts of my MS...sudden and lasting fatigue, daily gradual loss of leg control, constant stinging and lack of coordination in my hands and fingers, forgetfulness, confusion...things easily dismissed by those who aren't around me constantly as "typical" of a mother of five or of a 40+ year old. If you "get it", you can't dismiss it. It's very real. If it isn't rearing its INCREDIBLY UGLY head, it's lurking nearby, ready to POUNCE and ruin my otherwise lovely day. Days or weeks can go by during which I accomplish only the absolute bare minimum of duties, leaving undone anything irrelevant to things immediate. Regret...shame...anger...it's all there!
This brings me to my title: Sarcasm and Hyperbole. I recently described myself to my sister, Jeanette, as thin-skinned and sensitive. My feelings are hurt easily. I am really trying hard to work on "toughening myself up", but it's a life-long characteristic so it's hard to do. I'm easily teased, since my reactions are genuine and strong. Those that like to tease me know this. While clever, they sting. I have conveyed this to many of my friends and family--the teasers. If they choose to ignore it, I can't stop them. Perhaps, however, I can use the power of this blog to reiterate my plea: don't assume I can take it...'cuz often times, I can't.
I'll make a good attempt not to overpower my few readers with Multiple Sclerosis related or "poor me" subjects here. Give me time, though. And keep coming back!
I will end with an example. No names.
an email sent to me recently, titled, "Jeopardy":
"Yes, Alex. What are interval days between posts on Mara's blog."