Ok, everyone: this post is part expression, part invitation. I am always aware of my guilty conscience; that is, what makes my conscience feel guilty. I was cleaning the kitchen the other night and my thoughts roamed to all the little things I feel guilty about. Shall I list? I think I shall. Then I want to see everyone else's list.
1. Peanut butter jars. We go through peanut butter pretty quickly, and I think it a giant chore to clean out the plastic jars for recycling. We have a septic tank, so I'm hesitant to wash anything with that much oil. Now, I suppose I could wipe it out with a paper towel and get all the bits out before soaping it up, but wouldn't that defeat the purpose of recycling it? I'm pretty big on recycling. I drive my husband crazy with, "Hey--why the heck did you just put that in the garbage???" But I sneak the peanut butter jars.
2. Dust. It's not as bad around here as in Spokane, where I lived from 7 to 23 years of age, but I let it go. I mean, I REALLY let it go. I think my kids don't even truly know that we're supposed to dust frequently to keep things cleared off...how would they?
3. Crying child. This one has to stay secret from my husband. Sometimes, when I'm particularly tired, I will pretend I am sleeping when awakened by a crying child from a far bedroom. Not EVERY time, but sometimes...and I wait until he wakes up and let him go take care of it. I know some of you will be saying, "But, MARA...there's NOTHING wrong with that!" Still...a source of guilt.
4. Returning phone calls. I'm horrible. HORRIBLE. Those of you who know what I'm talking about, I'M SO SORRY.
5. Yelling. I was just telling Edward that I never yelled until we moved into this house (in 2003, when C/E/B were 4/3/1 yrs. old). Suddenly, we went from a split-level house in which the kids weren't allowed to play alone downstairs to a one-story, sprawling, curvy house in which sound can disappear. I found myself yelling so they could hear me, then yelling to give commands, then just yelling. It's a habit I hate. It's a habit I'm passing on. It's a habit I need to halt in its tracks.
These are merely 5 little sources of guilt. There are so many more...but I really would like to hear from all of you! Even if it's just 1.